The day was thick with mist and rain as the dull gray sky settled close to the ground. Thoughts and feelings ran rampant in my mind as negativity began to consume all perspective. Ideas of rejection, hate, depression, and worthlessness hemmed me in until the strangest of things occurred. It was like a crack in the sky appeared in my mind and for a split second I could see what was really going on. Then it happened. I remembered.
It was like waking up from a troubled sleep where the dream has taken a bad turn and becomes a repetitive loop of frustration and confusion. There was that moment of imbalance as the world came into focus and then the dream faded away. Slowly I regained my mind. My heart began to beat as if life returned to a dead body. When I breathed it felt good like it does on a cool, crisp fall day - or when you finish exercising and your lungs relax as your breathing slows back down. My eyes opened and I could see everything for the first time, again. In that moment I remembered what I should never have forgotten. I remembered that my huge world is nothing more than small ideas and ways of thinking I had fallen into and adopted from the world around me. I remembered that God is big. I remembered that God has a plan for me. I remembered that God loves me so much that He became a man. I remembered that I don't really care about my job. I remembered that I care about the job He has given me to do. I remembered that Jesus Christ died for me - in my place - and I belong to Him now. I remembered how big things are and how little I am. I remembered that I'm not as lost as I thought I was - He's not done with me, yet. I remembered how much God loves me. I remembered that with the right perspective I can choose to enjoy a rainy day.
"I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the Lord."
Psalm 40:1-3 NIV
